Parents helping children after school shooting - some help from Sandy Hook Promise

Supporting children after school shootings

Our hearts go out to the families, friends and the Annunciation community of 8-year-old Fletcher Merkel and 10-year-old Harper Moyski who won’t live to allow us to see the kind of caring adults they will become. We also extend our empathy and compassion to the families of the wounded children and those who witnessed the shooting.

Processing Your Own Feelings and Self-Care

While you try to help children wrap their minds around something so incomprehensible, you, too, are dealing with complicated feelings. Keep these ideas top of mind as you create an intention to move forward:

Take Media Breaks. You may naturally want to stay informed, but the 24/7 news cycle can weigh heavy on our mental health. Images and storytelling can be stressful, so breaks are essential to focus on activities that lift you.

Talk to Other Trusted Adults. You are not alone. Whether you are a parent, caregiver, educator, or neighbor, we are all connected in community. Sharing your feelings and leaning on each other for advice for coping and how to talk to children can dramatically improve your own outlook.

Empowerment Through Engagement. Horrific events can leave you with a sense of hopelessness or lack of control. You, and perhaps your older children, can reclaim your empowerment by taking action. Writing a letter to the editor or a legislator, hosting a community conversation, or being an upstander can restore your confidence in creating positive change.

FLAME – keep the flame of your love for your children burning brightly.

F - Follow their lead, including awareness of child development. Meet them where they are.

L- Listen with understanding, not to respond. “I hear you. It’s been a tough thing to imagine. You worry about whether you’re safe.” Be thoughtful in your response after you have acknowledged their feelings. Be open, sensitive, calm, and age-appropriate in what you speak about with them. They will embrace this energy and learn to navigate challenge and tragedy with similar traits.

A – Allow them their own space, too. If middle and high school kids take to their rooms alone to process, that’s a good thing. Watch their body language and honor their need for space.

M – Maintain routine and structure. These are very reassuring to children of all ages.

E – Encourage them to express their feelings ongoing. More questions will arise as time passes, and new information comes to awareness. Reassure them that the adults in their lives, especially you as their parents, are there for them and that schools have protective measures in place.

Sandy Hook Promise Gun Violence Prevention Programs and Resources

One of the goals that we, as communities and as families, face in the aftermath of gun violence is action through empowerment. How do we find support and commit to ending the cycle of gun violence in our schools? Whether it’s directly talking to your school administrators or how to work toward action with others in your schools and communities, learn about our research-backed programs to get you started:

Start with Hello (Grades K-12): Our elementary through high school program teaches students empathy and empowers them to end social isolation in three easy steps.

Say Something (Grades 4-12): Students learn to recognize the warning signs of someone at-risk of hurting themselves or others and how to get help, including through an anonymous reporting system via our app, hotline, and dedicated website.

SAVE (Students Against Violence Everywhere) Promise Clubs: These student-led organizations encourage and empower youth to keep their friends, schools, and communities safe.

Explore our Digital Library for more Elementary School Resources.

Additional Resources for How to Help Children Cope with a Gun Violence Tragedy

The following organizations can offer more information and networks of support. Together we can help ourselves and our children process, heal, and find hope after acts of gun violence in our schools and communities:

Save the Children: Ways Parents Can Help Children Cope with School Violence

Child Mind Institute: How to Talk to Kids About School Shootings(Spanish and English resources available)

Child Mind Institute: Helping Kids Cope with Frightening News(Spanish and English resources available)

CommonSense Media: How to Talk to Kids About Violence, Crime, and War

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (school shooting and mass violence resources)

Other Ways to Help Prevent Gun Violence

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