Have the grades been sent out?

If you're like most parents, you feel the impact of the report card every quarter. You're either troubled or relieved when you look at each grade, and if you have more than one child, that could be a lot of grades affecting you.

Do they feel like failures on your child's part when you see anything below a "B?" Or failures on the children's part? I get it. We live in a society that assumes grades are the best way to assess a child's learning, and to predict the child's future.

Can we take a pause on this? What if your child was dealing with big emotions, struggling to handle peer pressure, changes in the family (loss of a pet or parents separating or in conflict,) hormonal adjustments in puberty, athletic performance? The list could go on and on.

Or what if your child has an undiagnosed learning challenge that's been easy to mask until this year? Particularly in girls, ADHD often goes undiagnosed, as does anxiety in boys. Sometimes they co-exist in the same child. Auditory processing deficits can also come into play, as so much of school is delivered orally, so much of what the teacher says is not absorbed.

Let's step back and look at really great grades, too. Is your child feeling like perfection is the only acceptable outcome on a report card? What's it costing him or her emotionally to be in this place?

Learning from other countries on this issue can be so enlightening. Finland starts giving students numerical grades in the 4th grade, which is the first year they receive formal assessments. During the first 3-1/2 years of elementary school, verbal feedback and self-assessments are used to evaluate progress. In 4th grade, a 10-point scale, where 10 is excellent and 5 is a passing grade are used. 

This, to me, is so on point! It takes into account the vast variety of rates of development in children. Our system in the U.S. risks making children feel like failures in Kindergarten. This is not acceptable.

So, work at letting report cards be a bit of information and not a "sentence." Interview your child on the effort they were able to exert. Value effort over grades, and help your child gain this perspective. You'll likely see a student who does his or her best from here on out.